The Alternative Comedy Memorial Society

Permitted Heckles

  1. We appreciate what you’re trying to do!
  2. Tell us a joke! The one's you've been telling so far have been brilliant.*
  3. Could you speak a bit louder please?
  4. Would you like a woman to sort it out?
  5. Oh, Thom.
  6. I drew you a cat.**
  7. And yet.
  8. I/we love you, but not how you're being just right now.
  9. 'Buffy' didn't start till 1997!
  10. Twisted fire hazard!
  11. Is it moral?
  12. [any prime number]
  13. Weird cuckold situation.
  14. Sounds a bit Catholic to me,[insert name here]!
  15. And also with you.[Or any of the other congregation responses from the Catholic mass.]
  16. That'll help the iMDB.
  17. YES!
  18. I only heard a 'sp-'.
  19. CUDDLE! If you'd like.
  20. Thankyou very much, Joz Norris!
  22. Fuck the binary.
  23. Ventilate!
  24. Professional.
  25. Ah, now we understand each other.
  26. You're not going to bounce back!

*Not permitted if said sarcastically.

**Only permitted if accompanied by a drawing of a cat. A MORALLY GOOD CAT. Inexplicably popular.

Please note, the above heckles are only permitted at the Alternative Comedy Memorial Society (ACMS) shows. Purged heckles include the little used "Help - my friend here is having a stroke. Not really.", the initially practical "It's next to Espionage!", the fiscally unsound "Can I have Joz's tenner?", the admonitory "No more whisk[e]y for you!", the sartorially helpful "I've got a vest!", the cruelly accusatory "That's a Joe Pasquale joke, surely" and an extremely specific series of disruption-apologies, including "Sorry, I've got tickets for Stewart Lee. (They're £24.)", "Gonna catch a train. I'm sorry." and "I left my coat."

There is also a heckle permitted only at the ACMS Awards (typically held on our last show of the Fringe): "ting ting ting SPEECH".

There are different permitted heckles for use at the Alternative Alternative Comedy Memorial Society (AACMS) rival/splinter shows. These include:

  1. There's one in Worcester!
  2. Also creepy.
  3. Stick to your guns!
  4. That's a Tony Law joke, surely.
  5. Huzzah!
  6. Yes, you're the Third Earl of Right!